Stop And Start

It is amazing what happens when you take fun notes in Church!  And not just any notes, but notes that can be pretty to look at and distracting to take.  BUT I did learn so much.  And in Relief Society.


















I titled the notes

It was like an epiphany! And it went something like this:

I'm coloring in my title and listening.  Suddenly, BAM!  The chills, the hot face, the "Oh dear, the Spirit is trying to talk to me" thought.  I stopped.  Looked up at who was talking and forgot myself.  Here it was, right in front of me.  The answer I needed in this very trying time of my life.

Background:  I have been feeling very...useless lately.  It's hard to see your purpose when all you seem to be doing is studying for no tests, cleaning for a family who is taller than you, and sleeping in a room without a roommate.  Can you even imagine how hard it might be for a person in that situation?  I didn't when I made this plan.  In fact, this plan presented in my mind like heavenly bliss here on earth.  And it's not that it is so terribly bad.  I just get bored and lonely.  I didn't realize how much my roommate meant to me.  Even when they were loud getting ready for school in the morning when I had another hour to sleep or when they cooked better food to eat than I did.  I LOVE them so much!!  And it only took THIS STRANGE CIRCUMSTANCE to see it.  For that, I apologize my dear roomies.

Okay, so now I have 12 days before I leave for Brazil and I'm looking back at my journal and see this entry,  "You will become what He wants you to become when you allow Him to mold you."  And there is the answer I was looking for.

I wasn't NOT studying for no tests, I was studying for those Brazilians waiting for me.  I was cleaning NOT JUST for a taller family, but for the skills that I had slacked on at college.  I honestly can't tell you the last time I really cleaned my apartment which is awful - sorry roomies.  And last but not least, I was NOT sleeping in a room with no roommate for NO reason.  I'll forever have someone in my room sharing my room making my room clean or dirty for the rest of my life.  I shoulda/woulda/coulda enjoyed being alone while I had the chance.

So I will.  I will to all the above.  I will stop making lists of what I need to do.  Rather I will take those to-do lists and see them as what they will help me become:

- eye exam
- packing
- eat

To-Be

- a missionary who can read
- an organized missionary
- a healthy missionary

This was sort of a silly post and crazily organized one.  But its intention is sincere all the same.  I really do want to become someone the Lord is proud of and I can do that by looking at my life from His perspective.  Understanding the why's of my doings and how's they will make me.

XOXO - amanda